Something dawned on me the other day. How can I expect you all to put your trust in me and what I do if I never share anything personal about who I really am? This then got me thinking as to why I haven't done this before...
There it was. BANG!!. Like a smack in the face! There was the little girl with the disapproving and judgmental parents.
You see, when I was a child (& even into adulthood) all I wanted to do was make my parents proud. Most kids do. I worked really hard and excelled at school. Horse riding was my passion outside of education and I was super committed, motivated and dedicated to that too. So much so, that I competed for my country in the US when I was just 14.
Although I did have friends outside of school, most of my time was taken studying hard either for school or training my horses.
BUT and it is a big but.
My Dad was pretty strict and severe. NOTHING was ever good enough. If I got 97% in a test or exam, he would focus on the 3%. He would LITERALLY say 'You do know if you were a Doctor, three of your patients would be dead don't you?'.
????NEGATIVE. ALWAYS NEGATIVE????
'If you eat that you'll be as fat as a pig'
'What's wrong with you, are you stupid?'
'You're bloody mental you are'
Oh and a thousand more!!
It took me a LONG time to realise that this is pretty severe mental abuse. Not to mention the times when he physically lost control too.
I also realised that ALL my life (literally until my mid 20's) almost EVERY decision I made about MY life was based on what I thought my parents wanted or expected of me.
WHAT THE???? WHAT THE ACTUAL??!!!
It seems insane now when I think back but when I see and look at other people, I notice that it's not that uncommon either.
When we have had a start like that (and don't get me wrong I also had an extremely 'nice' , some would say privileged life. We lived in lovely houses, went on holidays and I had my horses), we have a feeling that we lack. It can leave us missing self worth. That we don't deserve or we're not good enough.
Well I'm here to tell you that you ARE good enough!!
You, as your AUTHENTIC SELF, are AWESOME. More than that, you are UNIQUE!! ????????????
We ALL have something that is completely unique and different about us as individuals and we should celebrate that, own it and step into our own power!!
It was a long time coming but when I made the choice that I would no longer serve my parents and that I would make decisions that felt right for ME, that made ME happy and sing inside, I felt SOOOOOOO much freer and alive!
So when I post that you can do it, I'm not just saying it. I'm LIVING it, DOING it and LOVING it!!